Jealousy

We went for a family walk this afternoon and, when we were coming to our street, I heard an all too familiar sound; the sound of a runner’s footsteps. As she passed us, I longed to be in her place. I was jealous that she was running along while my pregnant butt was dragging a sweaty & tired toddler along at an incredibly slow pace. I was envious because I was there not too long ago and really don’t like the place I’m in now. I know it’s time for a change and that change is coming much more slowly than I thought it would. It’s so hard to get out of a rut, especially when you’re pregnant because you can use it as an excuse. I have great plans on getting back to a more normal schedule with more time for myself once school starts next week. I’m hoping having only one kid for a few hours will help me get out for walks (& possibly hopefully runs) more often and actually follow some kind of fitness schedule (as long as I feel OK).

My husband has made it clear he wants me to “relax” and “take it as easy as possible” during my pregnancy. I know he’s looking out for me knowing that, if something were to go wrong, I would blame myself. However, I need to be active for my own well-being. No activity = zero patience. No activity = no outlet for me or “me time”. I haven’t had any complications in weeks and I feel as though I’m OK for more activity. My doctor is on board and it bugs me that my husband can’t be more supportive on the subject. I think it would probably be a lot easier to feel accountable for my workouts and get them done instead of coming up with lame excuses if I had that support and someone cheering me on from the sidelines.

I keep writing about wanting to change but I fail to act on those words. I need to make being active (or more active) a priority again and get it done. I did sample my new Body by Trimester dvd and did the express workout for the 2nd trimester a few nights ago after putting the kids to bed. The workout was paced well and I definitely got my sweat on. The warm up & express workout were about 21 minutes long combined so certainly doable when I’m short on time. I’m very ashamed to admit that my thighs were sore for several days afterwards. I did the workout 4 days ago and today’s the first day it doesn’t hurt to walk or be touched. One of my cats (they’re fatties and weigh over 15 lbs each) stepped on my thighs two nights ago and I about screamed it hurt so much and I’m not a wuss when it comes to pain. A true testament to how much my fitness has gone downhill in the last three months. A part of me feels as though I wasted all my time running & working out over the last year because I’m in such sad shape now. I realize I wasn’t in prime shape when I got pregnant (though I was in the best shape I’ve been in in years; sad but true) but it still amazes me how quickly you lose it.

I had high hopes for myself during this pregnancy but I’ve been reminded that nothing about pregnancy is predictable and no two pregnancies are alike. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because things didn’t go as planned in the beginning and move on. Put my running shoes on and get out the door. No more excuses!

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Posted on August 13, 2012, in pregnancy, random. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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