Category Archives: pregnancy

Busy is an Understatement

I have to apologize to those of you who may started reading my blog for the running related posts. This pregnancy has not allowed me to stay active like I wanted to and therefore I have nothing running related to share with you. I promise running stuff will pick back up probably late February or early March so please bear with me. 🙂

I have been going to PT (physical therapy) for the last 4 weeks and those sessions can be tortuous! It sounds like the majority of my issue lies in the fact that my left leg is shorter than my right leg and it’s obviously a big enough difference that it affects my right hip. My therapist also suggested the possibility of bursitis in my right hip. It also sounds like I’m going to have some level of pain throughout the remainder of my pregnancy and the true test will come when I start running again post partum. At least if things flare up and I’m having issues, I already have my foot in the door and I can go back to my physical therapist (who is awesome!) and hopefully find ways to deal with it. Needless to say, working out is on the back burner and probably will be until after I give birth and that really upsets me. The most exercise I’ve been getting lately are my hip stretches & sporadic family walks that have really started to bother my lower belly. Even during short walks I cramp up really bad and my pace resembles that of an old woman. I’m hobbling around and I’m only 26 weeks. I can just about imagine how hard it’s going to be to get around near the end of my pregnancy. I realize it’s not the end of the world and it’ll all be worth it in the end but I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m not giving my baby as great of a start as I wanted to (ie: regular exercise = good for baby). Although, as a mother, there’s usually always something you have ‘mommy guilt’ about. Unfortunately, that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

To keep myself busy, I’ve taken on the task of decluttering, organizing & cleaning our house from top to bottom. My original plan was to have everything done by Thanksgiving but it’s taking a lot longer to get things done with my hip problems and our hectic daily schedule so I’m hoping for by Christmas. If I surpass that deadline, definitely by my due date. Our house isn’t super huge or anything but my husband is a major pack rat and getting through everything is taking forever. Plus, with him working steady nights,  I’m basically doing this alone and it takes a lot longer. It’s coming together little by little and hopefully the end result will be worth it. I can tell you in the areas I have *almost* finished, cleaning those areas doesn’t take as long as it used to so I’m hoping for the same effect throughout our house. I’ve also started writing out daily task lists with time limits and I’m finding that I’m actually getting more done by doing this. It seems a little OCD/neurotic lol but it really has been working for me. There’s just something about crossing things off of a to-do list that makes me feel accomplished and keeps me motivated to get more stuff done. I know I started this as a running-only blog but if anyone is interested in seeing the declutter transformation unfold, let me know and I can either post updates here with my very embarrassing before pictures *shudders* & pictures of the finished product, or perhaps I could start a new blog for it. Let me know!

Time to get on my to-do list for the day. Happy Friday, everyone!

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Selfish Ranting

We got pregnant with our oldest about three months after we lost our twin boys at 14 weeks. I spent that entire pregnancy walking on egg shells and making sure I didn’t do anything strenuous for fear of losing another child. During my pregnancy with our youngest, I was still anxious about losing him but I was so busy chasing after a toddler that I didn’t have as much time to stew about things. I was a lot more active during that pregnancy as well for the simple reason that our oldest didn’t like to sit still for more than 2 seconds. I didn’t go out of my way during either of those pregnancies to workout or be excessively active. I took everything in stride and I tried to make mindful food choices (most of the time 😉 ) so that I wouldn’t gain a ton of unnecessary weight. It seemed to work as I was within the area my doctor wanted me to be in for total weight gain and I liked that it was pretty much effortless as I wasn’t doing anything extra to keep my weight gain at bay.

I finally got off my butt when our youngest was just over 13 months old and I caught the running bug shortly thereafter. I worked through the ‘mommy guilt’ and eventually running became a very big part of me and my life. My fitness and making healthier choices was becoming a priority and I started to include the family (especially the kids) as well. With that in mind, I suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise that I was very much hoping for an active pregnancy should we be blessed with another baby. As you know, the blessing came but the active pregnancy part was not meant to be in the beginning. Unfortunately, it seems I keep hitting road blocks in my quest for an active pregnancy. First, three months of bleeding issues, then the OK to walk, then I was finding it hard to get into a routine and hoped having the oldest back in school would help. Thankfully, that seemed to be the magic ticket. The day school started, I got started on my new workout routine that I had penned out for myself. Body by Trimester (BBT) three days a week  and lots of walking. I was hoping to get a recumbent for rainy/busy days but that has yet to happen. I held myself accountable for the BBT workouts with no issues for a couple of weeks then busy days started to get in the way and I had two weeks during which I was only able to do two BBT workouts. Somewhere in there, my right hip started to bother me. I had issues with it during my last pregnancy and, if you remember from past entries, I also had issues with it when I was training for my half marathon. I don’t recall having issues with it before my last pregnancy but I can’t say for sure. All along, I’ve figured it was just the relaxed joints due to pregnancy that caused the issues I had with it, but I now wonder if there’s something more going on only because of all of the issues I had when I was clearly not pregnant. It could just be that I have a weak hip and need to do specific exercises to strengthen it. I really don’t know but I’m hoping physical therapy will be able to help me. The hip pain has become excessive and is preventing me from doing anything out of my daily routine. Sometimes even normal tasks are a nuisance as I hobble along in pain. I’ve managed a few family walks but my hip is usually screaming at me during those short 1 milers. I really can’t describe the pain. At times, it’s almost like things aren’t lining up properly and I need to move a certain way to fix it but I can never find that sweet spot. Walking on most days is torture so I haven’t even played with the idea of running.

With our history, I can’t help but feel so extremely selfish and petty for whining about not being able to workout during my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, I am beyond grateful that we have been blessed with another little being and I still worry something may go wrong (what Mom doesn’t?) but this is not how I saw my pregnancy going. Once again, I’m reminded of the fact that pregnancy is very unpredictable. I have been coming to terms with things as far as not being able to do what I wanted so far throughout this pregnancy, however, I was hit with a scary dose of reality at my last OB appointment on Tuesday. I am 21 weeks pregnant and I’ve gained 21 pounds already. My eyes literally bugged out of my head when I saw the number on the scale. Being in recovery from an eating disorder makes gaining weight during pregnancy harder than it is on most people and the fact that I started out this pregnancy 5 lbs heavier than my last two (don’t ask me how that’s possible with all the running/working out I was doing… muscle weighs more than fat is my excuse! lol) is leaving me in a bad place in my head. I guess a big part of me fears I won’t be able to get back into shape post baby. I know that’s not the truth as many others have successfully lost all of their baby weight, and more, in the past and continue to do so. Our days are pretty busy as it is, I can’t imagine how exhausted I’m going to be when the third one arrives. I want to and will make my health & fitness a priority but I fear how long it’ll actually take to get there. Reading blogs about pregnant runners or those who had worked out in other ways throughout their pregnancy has also left me a little discouraged because of how quickly they seem to bounce back and get back into their preferred activity. I suppose that should leave me feeling encouraged because they’ve managed to juggle being active with being new moms. We moms always seem to find ways to do what we have to do but I’m starting to doubt I’ll have what it takes to get through the struggle of finding a balance for everything and still making time for myself.

Sorry if this is hard to follow; my mind is a little crowded and overwhelmed at the moment. I hope those of you with more than 2 kids (there are some of you out there, right?) understand my mental conflict and that there’s hope for me.  It’s all going to be a huge learning experience with a ton of trial & error, I’m sure. I know I’ve lost A LOT of my fitness, perhaps all of it, so I’ll probably be starting over when the time comes. I can’t help but wonder if all of those months of running & working out were a waste of my time. I could have spent that time being pregnant, having #3, and getting into running now instead. I know and I try to embrace the fact that everything happens for a reason but I often wonder why things happened the way they do. Had I not started running when I did, I know I wouldn’t have met a ton of awesome people in the running community. I’m sure this blog wouldn’t exist, I wouldn’t know that my body is capable of pounding out 13.1 miles in grueling weather, and I wouldn’t have grown as a person had I not had all of those solo miles to find myself. Blessing in disguise once I think about it. *light bulb!* <– those of you who have seen Despicable Me may understand that a little better than others 😉 Hitting road block after road block in my trek toward an active pregnancy must also have its blessings, though I have yet to discover what they may be…

Jealousy

We went for a family walk this afternoon and, when we were coming to our street, I heard an all too familiar sound; the sound of a runner’s footsteps. As she passed us, I longed to be in her place. I was jealous that she was running along while my pregnant butt was dragging a sweaty & tired toddler along at an incredibly slow pace. I was envious because I was there not too long ago and really don’t like the place I’m in now. I know it’s time for a change and that change is coming much more slowly than I thought it would. It’s so hard to get out of a rut, especially when you’re pregnant because you can use it as an excuse. I have great plans on getting back to a more normal schedule with more time for myself once school starts next week. I’m hoping having only one kid for a few hours will help me get out for walks (& possibly hopefully runs) more often and actually follow some kind of fitness schedule (as long as I feel OK).

My husband has made it clear he wants me to “relax” and “take it as easy as possible” during my pregnancy. I know he’s looking out for me knowing that, if something were to go wrong, I would blame myself. However, I need to be active for my own well-being. No activity = zero patience. No activity = no outlet for me or “me time”. I haven’t had any complications in weeks and I feel as though I’m OK for more activity. My doctor is on board and it bugs me that my husband can’t be more supportive on the subject. I think it would probably be a lot easier to feel accountable for my workouts and get them done instead of coming up with lame excuses if I had that support and someone cheering me on from the sidelines.

I keep writing about wanting to change but I fail to act on those words. I need to make being active (or more active) a priority again and get it done. I did sample my new Body by Trimester dvd and did the express workout for the 2nd trimester a few nights ago after putting the kids to bed. The workout was paced well and I definitely got my sweat on. The warm up & express workout were about 21 minutes long combined so certainly doable when I’m short on time. I’m very ashamed to admit that my thighs were sore for several days afterwards. I did the workout 4 days ago and today’s the first day it doesn’t hurt to walk or be touched. One of my cats (they’re fatties and weigh over 15 lbs each) stepped on my thighs two nights ago and I about screamed it hurt so much and I’m not a wuss when it comes to pain. A true testament to how much my fitness has gone downhill in the last three months. A part of me feels as though I wasted all my time running & working out over the last year because I’m in such sad shape now. I realize I wasn’t in prime shape when I got pregnant (though I was in the best shape I’ve been in in years; sad but true) but it still amazes me how quickly you lose it.

I had high hopes for myself during this pregnancy but I’ve been reminded that nothing about pregnancy is predictable and no two pregnancies are alike. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because things didn’t go as planned in the beginning and move on. Put my running shoes on and get out the door. No more excuses!

I may have fibbed a little

I’ve been doing a little research online, reading up on experiences from other pregnant runners, and have come to the conclusion that I probably fibbed in my last post. While I still hold onto that irrational fear that running will somehow hurt something (that’s what happens when you’ve experienced a loss… major freak out ALL.THE.TIME.), I know that a) I want to give running during pregnancy a chance (assuming I have no issues) and b) running and most any form of exercise is good for me and the baby.

I must admit, I’ve been stuck in a lazy rut for several weeks and I’m more than ready to break free from it. I need to get my sweat on and start pounding the pavement again. I also did end up ordering Body by Trimester last night and I’m hoping that will help me get back into a more active swing of things. It’s comforting to read that many women have taken breaks during their first trimesters and started running again during their second trimesters with no real issues (other than being slower 😉 ).

I think it’s been so long since I’ve gone for a run that I’ve forgotten how good it feels to do so and I’ve forgotten how great I feel afterwards as well. I don’t see myself attempting a run until my oldest has started school again because I’m not sure he’d want to sit in the BOB while I did my thing. So, for the next 2.5 weeks, walking it’ll be; unless I can persuade myself to try a solo run while my husband watches the boys. I just want to feel good again and feel better about myself.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

The last three months have been a whirlwind of changes for us. In early May, I found out I was expecting #3 and, a few days later, we were hit with a nasty cold that affected all of us and prevented me from doing any kind of running or working out. After the sickness seemed to have left the building, I was still dealing with an annoying cough and tickle in my throat (which turned out to be acid reflux… awesome!). I managed one run at the end of May and the kids and I were off to Canada the first week of June for a few weeks to visit my family while our kitchen was being redone.

If you’ve read my blog in the past, it’s no secret I’ve wanted to remain active and run throughout pregnancy. Unfortunately, I had a 1st trimester full of various bouts of spotting & bleeding. Needless to say, I was basically a lump for that part of my pregnancy; sitting and worrying about what was going on inside. I think it was a little easier for me to deal with the bleeding this time because I’ve bled at some point during all of my pregnancies. However, because I’ve been working so hard to live an active lifestyle since last August (1 year running anniversary is just days away!), it was really hard to swallow that I was being sidelined with no real injury, so to speak.

I finally got the all-clear two weeks ago to start walking, which I’ve done a couple of times (it’s HOT here!). I am, however, too afraid to risk running. Even though I’ve had no problems with walking, I fear what might happen if I start running. The what-ifs are killing me. Once my oldest goes back to school in three weeks, I’m hoping I can get back into my routine and, instead of running, I’ll be walking with my youngest in the BOB. I’m also looking at purchasing Body By Trimester and have been looking at the possibility of getting a recumbent bike that I can use at home. I guess a part of me fears that I’ll spend the money and end up having complications again and the money being wasted. Obviously the recumbent can be used later so that wouldn’t be a total waste, but I’m a serious penny pincher so I really have to persuade myself at times to spend money, especially on myself. I’m hoping the combination of all three will help me stay as active as I can be throughout my pregnancy. For some reason, walking alone just doesn’t cut it in my mind. Although, I suppose it’s better than being a couch potato.

So that’s what’s been going on at my end. I needed to take a break from here and DM because I was having a hard time dealing with being forced on the sidelines but I’m hoping I’ll be able to be at least somewhat active from now until this baby comes in January. And, hopefully this means you’ll be seeing more of me. 😉