Category Archives: random

Jealousy

We went for a family walk this afternoon and, when we were coming to our street, I heard an all too familiar sound; the sound of a runner’s footsteps. As she passed us, I longed to be in her place. I was jealous that she was running along while my pregnant butt was dragging a sweaty & tired toddler along at an incredibly slow pace. I was envious because I was there not too long ago and really don’t like the place I’m in now. I know it’s time for a change and that change is coming much more slowly than I thought it would. It’s so hard to get out of a rut, especially when you’re pregnant because you can use it as an excuse. I have great plans on getting back to a more normal schedule with more time for myself once school starts next week. I’m hoping having only one kid for a few hours will help me get out for walks (& possibly hopefully runs) more often and actually follow some kind of fitness schedule (as long as I feel OK).

My husband has made it clear he wants me to “relax” and “take it as easy as possible” during my pregnancy. I know he’s looking out for me knowing that, if something were to go wrong, I would blame myself. However, I need to be active for my own well-being. No activity = zero patience. No activity = no outlet for me or “me time”. I haven’t had any complications in weeks and I feel as though I’m OK for more activity. My doctor is on board and it bugs me that my husband can’t be more supportive on the subject. I think it would probably be a lot easier to feel accountable for my workouts and get them done instead of coming up with lame excuses if I had that support and someone cheering me on from the sidelines.

I keep writing about wanting to change but I fail to act on those words. I need to make being active (or more active) a priority again and get it done. I did sample my new Body by Trimester dvd and did the express workout for the 2nd trimester a few nights ago after putting the kids to bed. The workout was paced well and I definitely got my sweat on. The warm up & express workout were about 21 minutes long combined so certainly doable when I’m short on time. I’m very ashamed to admit that my thighs were sore for several days afterwards. I did the workout 4 days ago and today’s the first day it doesn’t hurt to walk or be touched. One of my cats (they’re fatties and weigh over 15 lbs each) stepped on my thighs two nights ago and I about screamed it hurt so much and I’m not a wuss when it comes to pain. A true testament to how much my fitness has gone downhill in the last three months. A part of me feels as though I wasted all my time running & working out over the last year because I’m in such sad shape now. I realize I wasn’t in prime shape when I got pregnant (though I was in the best shape I’ve been in in years; sad but true) but it still amazes me how quickly you lose it.

I had high hopes for myself during this pregnancy but I’ve been reminded that nothing about pregnancy is predictable and no two pregnancies are alike. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because things didn’t go as planned in the beginning and move on. Put my running shoes on and get out the door. No more excuses!

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I may have fibbed a little

I’ve been doing a little research online, reading up on experiences from other pregnant runners, and have come to the conclusion that I probably fibbed in my last post. While I still hold onto that irrational fear that running will somehow hurt something (that’s what happens when you’ve experienced a loss… major freak out ALL.THE.TIME.), I know that a) I want to give running during pregnancy a chance (assuming I have no issues) and b) running and most any form of exercise is good for me and the baby.

I must admit, I’ve been stuck in a lazy rut for several weeks and I’m more than ready to break free from it. I need to get my sweat on and start pounding the pavement again. I also did end up ordering Body by Trimester last night and I’m hoping that will help me get back into a more active swing of things. It’s comforting to read that many women have taken breaks during their first trimesters and started running again during their second trimesters with no real issues (other than being slower 😉 ).

I think it’s been so long since I’ve gone for a run that I’ve forgotten how good it feels to do so and I’ve forgotten how great I feel afterwards as well. I don’t see myself attempting a run until my oldest has started school again because I’m not sure he’d want to sit in the BOB while I did my thing. So, for the next 2.5 weeks, walking it’ll be; unless I can persuade myself to try a solo run while my husband watches the boys. I just want to feel good again and feel better about myself.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

The last three months have been a whirlwind of changes for us. In early May, I found out I was expecting #3 and, a few days later, we were hit with a nasty cold that affected all of us and prevented me from doing any kind of running or working out. After the sickness seemed to have left the building, I was still dealing with an annoying cough and tickle in my throat (which turned out to be acid reflux… awesome!). I managed one run at the end of May and the kids and I were off to Canada the first week of June for a few weeks to visit my family while our kitchen was being redone.

If you’ve read my blog in the past, it’s no secret I’ve wanted to remain active and run throughout pregnancy. Unfortunately, I had a 1st trimester full of various bouts of spotting & bleeding. Needless to say, I was basically a lump for that part of my pregnancy; sitting and worrying about what was going on inside. I think it was a little easier for me to deal with the bleeding this time because I’ve bled at some point during all of my pregnancies. However, because I’ve been working so hard to live an active lifestyle since last August (1 year running anniversary is just days away!), it was really hard to swallow that I was being sidelined with no real injury, so to speak.

I finally got the all-clear two weeks ago to start walking, which I’ve done a couple of times (it’s HOT here!). I am, however, too afraid to risk running. Even though I’ve had no problems with walking, I fear what might happen if I start running. The what-ifs are killing me. Once my oldest goes back to school in three weeks, I’m hoping I can get back into my routine and, instead of running, I’ll be walking with my youngest in the BOB. I’m also looking at purchasing Body By Trimester and have been looking at the possibility of getting a recumbent bike that I can use at home. I guess a part of me fears that I’ll spend the money and end up having complications again and the money being wasted. Obviously the recumbent can be used later so that wouldn’t be a total waste, but I’m a serious penny pincher so I really have to persuade myself at times to spend money, especially on myself. I’m hoping the combination of all three will help me stay as active as I can be throughout my pregnancy. For some reason, walking alone just doesn’t cut it in my mind. Although, I suppose it’s better than being a couch potato.

So that’s what’s been going on at my end. I needed to take a break from here and DM because I was having a hard time dealing with being forced on the sidelines but I’m hoping I’ll be able to be at least somewhat active from now until this baby comes in January. And, hopefully this means you’ll be seeing more of me. 😉

I’m alive

The last 3+ weeks have been filled with snot, coughs, headaches, missed school, pajama days, and far too many missed workouts/runs. My oldest started with the Nasty Cold From Hell, then my younger son got it, then I got it, then Daddy got it. I spent two weeks hacking up a lung and several days without a voice. I felt better after about a week and a half but I never got rid of that annoying tickle in my throat that caused random coughing fits throughout the day. The boys seemed to have gotten over it and my husband was on the mend as well. Then my youngest woke up Friday night having a coughing fit. I guess those clear boogers on Thursday and Friday weren’t caused by teething. :/ Saturday, I woke up with a cough and really stuffy nose and my oldest woke up with a new case of the snots, too. Great. Round Two! I’m not sure if the virus we had mutated into The Cold From Hell’s spawn or if we contracted something else while the youngest and I were at the hospital on Thursday. Either way, I very rarely get sick and to still be sick over three weeks later is killing me.

I did manage ONE run last Friday, which, as it turned out, was the day between sicknesses. I didn’t push myself too hard because I didn’t want to aggravate my recovering lungs. My pace was super slow but it felt great to get out there. Now, I’m sitting here hacking up a lung as I write this, which should be another race report. I’ve had to be a no-show for TWO races because of this insane bout of sickness. The Bear Lake Trail Challenge last weekend and the Gate to Gate this morning.

I’m more than ready for a healthy household again. I’m even more ready to be able to run and workout when I want to. The boys and I have a road trip planned in a couple of weeks so I’m sure we’ll get healthy in time to contract something while we’re on the road. It seems many people are sick right now and we all know how clean public restrooms can be… oy!

At times, I wish I could stomp on Jiminy Cricket

This post should be a race report. Key words there: should be.

As I’ve mentioned before, my husband currently works nights and has for several months now. To avoid royally screwing up his body, he keeps his sleeping schedule the same throughout the weekend (ie: on his days off). When I have a race, he is forced to go on little or no sleep at all. Because our boys are too young to watch themselves, he has to either accompany me to watch the boys while I run or stay home to watch the boys while I run. He has always chosen to accompany me because he enjoys being there to cheer me on and to take pictures of/for me.

*side note: I realize I could race with the boys in the BOB but,while most do, not every race allows joggers. Also, I’m very competitive and, selfishly, I’d rather race solo because I’m too slow w/ both boys in the BOB. One day I may be fast enough with the jogger but that’s definitely not now.*

I’m not going to lie, I had been battling with myself over this race for several days leading up to it. Not because I did not think I could do it but because it would have meant sacrifices would have to be made. This would have been my first 10K race but, I’ve covered that distance many times in the last few months during my half marathon training so, I wasn’t worried I wouldn’t be able to finish the race. I was stewing over things because going would have meant getting up at an ungodly hour. It would have meant screwing up my sons’ sleeping and they have more than enough trouble in that department on their own. It would have meant making my husband go with very little or no sleep. And, it would have meant the third weekend in a row of doing all of the above. Well, most of the above.

During supper on Friday night, I told my husband I was having second thoughts about going to the race. He understood my conflicted position and made a comment that he would not be terribly upset if I ultimately decided to skip it, even though I had already paid for my registration. He also made a comment about the subsequent racing really screwing with him (his sleep) and that made me feel extremely guilty. Still, I couldn’t seem to come to a decision.

After the kids were tucked in bed, I was still trying to make a decision as the minutes ticked by. I remembered something someone told me on DM in the past about never regretting a race/run but always regretting not doing it. That was it! I finally knew I couldn’t skip it because I knew I would regret it if I did. I told my husband I planned on going and got to work at getting everything ready and organized. It’s much easier to get everyone out of the door on time when everything is packed up the night before. You’re also guaranteed not to forget key items if they’re packed up the night before, as long as you don’t forget about packing them. 😉

After I watched a couple of shows that were recorded earlier in the week on our DVR, I hit the hay hoping to get as much sleep as I could. I’m not sure what time it was, but I awoke to my youngest screaming. My husband got him, brought him into the tv room, and the screaming continued. And continued. And it continued. After a couple of minutes, I got up to see what was going on. He’d been having bouts of being inconsolable lately in the middle of the night and I figured I might be able to help stop the screaming. Not only was my sleep being disturbed but I could imagine my poor three-year-old putting his head under his pillow as his younger brother continued with his screaming fit. They share a room so, when it starts, there’s no escape. I got to the tv room and found my poor husband trying to hold onto a flailing toddler with one arm while attempting to block his bad ear with the other. I debated for a second whether it would piss my husband off if I took the baby and brought him to bed with me. I figured such an action may make him feel like I didn’t think he could handle it on his own. I quickly shot that idea out of mind because I knew getting him to stop screaming was the priority and it didn’t really matter how we got it to happen. He screamed the entire walk to the bedroom but, as soon as I put him down on my bed, he shut up. *raises eyebrow* Really? In my half asleep state, I quickly got him positioned, covered him up, and settled myself in for a little more shut-eye.

An hour or two later, my husband came into the bedroom ready to hit the hay as well. He attempted to move the baby back to his own bed but he wanted nothing of it. I swear, we’re creating and enabling a monster. Anyhow, so the three of us snuggled in and went to sleep. I had two alarms set. One for 4:00am and the other for 5 minutes later just in case. I woke up on my own and was surprised it was so close to wake-up time. The clock read 3:47. I looked over at the bed hog baby who was nestled between me and my husband in a star fish position and I decided I would attempt to move him into his own bed so that I wouldn’t wake him while I got ready. After I tucked him into his own bed, I just stood in the darkness of the hallway for a minute with a million thoughts going through my head. I came up with excuse after excuse, all of which were lies, that would be acceptable to others for potentially skipping the race. Kids were sick. I was sick. Rough night with the kids. You get the picture. I stood there, fighting back and forth with myself for what seemed like forever before I finally made my way back to bed. I just sat there, still debating, wondering what I was going to do. I looked over at my sleeping husband and I really didn’t want to disturb his sleep. My guilt meter was on overload. A part of me wanted to get things moving and get to the race. However, a bigger part of me wanted to relish in the peacefulness and get a little extra shut-eye with my husband by my side; something that doesn’t happen often with his current work schedule. That bigger part of me wanted to give my husband and my kids a break from the racing scene and let them get the sleep they  no doubt needed. That bigger part of me also couldn’t see past the guilt of wanting to selfishly say “screw ’em, they can nap later”. I was going to be the cause, yet again, of a sleepless night day for my husband and disturbed sleep for my kids. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put them through it for the third weekend in a row. Those of you that are mothers may understand the mommy guilt part of the equation here. Once that gets a hold of you, you’re screwed.

No amount of potential regret mattered anymore. I disabled the alarms, got online to send Steve (he was going to carpool to the race start) a quick note telling him I wasn’t going, and crawled back into bed. I woke my husband to tell him we were staying home. I’m sure he was relieved to hear it through the fogginess of sleep. I also figured if he wanted to get up for a couple of hours and sleep longer throughout the day, he could take advantage of the opportunity, but he went back to sleep. It took a little longer than I would have liked for me to find sleep again as thoughts and feelings of guilt & regret swirled throughout my entire being. I’m not sure how long it took but sleep finally engulfed me and I was off to Dreamland until my alarm clock one of the kids got up for the day.

To be honest, once a few hours had passed, I still felt a bit of regret for having missed the race. However, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. The negative feelings were gone in no time and that right there tells me that I made the right decision. It wasn’t like when I missed the St Paddy’s Day 5K. I was truly heartbroken and angry that I missed that one. Of course, the circumstances surrounding the reasons why I missed both races are very different. I guess I figured missing a race is missing a race and one would feel the same thing in the aftermath no matter what. Clearly, that’s not the case.

So that’s what happened. After being super busy for the last few weeks, it was nice to have a low-key/closer to normal weekend as a family. 🙂

So Far, So Good

We’re four days into May and I’ve managed to keep up with all three May challenge calendars. *pats self on back* Seems like such a mediocre accomplishment but it’s an accomplishment for me nonetheless. Hopefully I can keep things up during the remainder of the month.

For those of you who may be following the “Marvelous Abs May” calendar (the pink one), Ali has put together the challenges on an actual May calendar layout. Here it is if you want to use it as well.


I have my first 10K race tomorrow morning. I’ll be getting up long before the butt crack of dawn to make the 1.5 hour trek to the race. My poor husband & kids get to suffer along with me. I predict we will be a bunch of crankies come tomorrow afternoon. :/ This week has been a fail for my running. Our schedule & the weather did not cooperate and I’ve only managed to get a measly 2 miles in. I’m hoping the lack of running means my legs will be fresh and ready to tackle 6.2 miles with ease (and speed!). Of course, the May challenges have left my legs a tad on the sore side this week, so we’ll see. 😉 Be on the lookout for the race report.

My Jelly Bean photo, Camelbak, and taper week

The submission period for the Jelly Bean is over so I think it’s safe to share my picture, especially since it’s been posted on Run w/ Jess’s Facebook album.

Jelly Beans + tape +  Run W/ Jess’s ‘Heart & Sole’ t-shirt = my attempt at being creative for the photo contest

It was a little challenging to put it on, and a few jelly beans fell to the ground in the process, but it was well worth it. I’m sure it was comical to watch me put it on. I didn’t actually run in it, it was pretty heavy and I didn’t want melted jelly beans to ruin my new shirt. 😉

As I mentioned in my last post, my Camelbak Annadel pack arrived a few days ago. I haven’t had a chance to test it out yet and I only have a short 2 mile run left (today) before the half marathon on Sunday. Unfortunately, I think I’m going to end up breaking the no new things during race day rule. :/ Hopefully it doesn’t bite me in the ass.


My taper week continues and it’s been strange to look at my planned runs for the week and see so few and so little miles. I feel like a slacker but I know I’ll benefit from resting before the half.

I’m sure it’s nerves, but I have an irrational fear that I’m going to royally eff up this half on Sunday. That I’m going to forget something pertinent to my performance. Or that I’m going to end up having serious GI issues and embarrass the crap out of myself (nice pun, eh?). Or whatever other nightmare I can come up with in my mind. I know I’m ready for the challenge and I’ve trained properly for this, I’m just scared, I guess. All I can do at this point is hope & pray everything goes well.

My parents are on their way from Canada as I type this so I may be a little scattered for the next week or so. I will do my best get my race recap for the half up as soon as possible. 🙂 It’s pretty easy to update facebook, so I’ll probably post an update or two there to keep you in the loop.

A day of “ughs”

Ugh #1 We had a day of thunderstorms & heavy rain on Saturday so my long run was pushed to yesterday. I ended up having to take both kids with me to get it done. They did awesome in the BOB the entire time. My youngest fell asleep during the first half of the run and my oldest fell asleep during the second half. I’m sure all of my runs with them won’t be as peaceful but it was nice to be able to do my thing without bickering or whining. I ended up hurting my hip somehow. I not sure if I got into a weird position while pushing 95+ pounds of stroller & kids (thank you stroller wheels for making it easy to push that kind of weight) or what happened but the pain got progressively worse as I ran yesterday and it bothering me at times today. I’ve decided to rest today and I hope it’s better tomorrow or later this week. I have half marathon training to continue!!

Ugh #2 As I was getting dressed for yesterday’s run, I discovered something terrible. The seam on the outer thigh of my favourite compression capris is split. WTF? A little strange that the split is on the hip that ended up getting injured yesterday. Hmm, foreshadowing to what was to come? Probably not but it’s a weird coincidence. The saddest part is I’ve only had these capris for about 5 months and they’ve been worn 1-2 times a week. So annoyed! I’m not sure if I should contact Old Navy about it or forget about it. Regardless, I need to find some more. I don’t have a huge running attire collection, just what I need to get me through a couple of runs before I have to do laundry.

Ugh #3 It’s Monday. Need I say more?

New Plan

First off, thanks to all of you who reached out to me after reading yesterday’s post. It meant a lot to me that you took the time to comment or send me a message. 🙂

Now, let’s get down to business. My husband and I put together a new plan yesterday and we were ready to start right away. Or, at least I thought we were. Apparently my husband did a little research last night that is putting a damper on our initial plan. (Seriously, how often can my plans change in a couple of weeks?!) Long story as short as possible, my husband likes to have 1-2 drink every night to help him wind down and he found in his research that any alcohol consumption can damage his ‘swimmers’ which ultimately could lead to adverse effects to a developing fetus. So, to give our future child the best start possible, he’s going to detox for 3 months. To be honest, a part of me was happy when he told me his discovery because I was snooping around the net this morning and found a local half marathon that is about 12 weeks away–perfect amount of time to train and enough time for him to detox. I didn’t want to be the one postponing things again so it made me happy that it was his fault for a change. 😉

Ahhhh, so, new plan:
Train for half marathon
Run half marathon
Try for #3 after half marathon

Looks like I need to tweak my Goals for 2012 now, too.

Fork in the Road

Tuesday was Plyometrics day and I had a great workout. Sweat was literally dripping from me during my workout and I needed to let my mat air dry afterwards. Yeah, I was that sweaty! Clear indication of what an awesome workout Plyo is! As I was following the cool down, I bent over with Tony and his minions and immediately felt a strange twinge in my lower back on the left side. “Hmm, that’s weird!”, I thought to myself, but I continued with the cool down as it was almost finished. It wasn’t a stabbing pain or anything and I didn’t feel it anymore when I was standing up so I disregarded it and hit the showers. When I sat on the couch in my usual pretzel-like fashion, I immediately felt that twinge again, only worse and it took my breath away. Ugh. I’m guessing I must have twisted my back the wrong way or something and that’s what caused the strain. I ended up taking two days off and my back is doing much better. I can twist into all kinds of directions without any pain so I’m hoping whatever it is I did is OK now so that I can get back to working out.

During the last two off days, I couldn’t help but venture in my mind and wonder whether I’m doing the right thing with my current workout schedule. I’ve wanted to do P90X for a long time, and, like the C25K program, I’ve taken far too long to just do it. I want to continue with P90X because, more than anything, I think I would feel like a failure if I didn’t finish the program after starting it. However, I miss my running and want to build a better base and up my mileage. I don’t think it’s possible to do both without killing myself. ha!

I think the main reason I’ve been pondering things lately is because we’re now in a position financially to start trying for a third child. Selfishly, I don’t want to give up working out in an aggressive manor because I’m far from where I want to be. The flip side of that is I’m going to “lose” my body again anyhow so why not quit while I’m ahead, so to speak. The thing is, I’d rather have a good fitness base and be in good shape when I get pregnant so that I can hopefully continue to workout throughout my pregnancy. Also, that way, it should be easier to bounce back after I give birth. I guess I feel like, in getting pregnant sooner rather than later, I’ll be throwing all of my hard work away and doing myself a disservice in not being more fit. Or, if I don’t have a good mileage base before I get pregnant, I won’t be able to keep up running like I would like to during pregnancy. Perhaps my expectations are too high as far as how much working out I’ll actually be able to accomplish when I’m pregnant. This will be my first pregnancy during which I do my best to stay fit and be active so it’s all new to me. I also realize that no two people are alike. Some are able to run/stay active until the day they deliver while others have to back off after a few months because it’s uncomfortable. Far too many unknowns to make a proper decision and I believe that’s why I’m so stuck.

Another thing that I needed to remind myself of is there will always be half marathons (the next big goal I want to tackle) but my husband is up there in age (we have a considerable age gap) and who knows how long he’ll be able to father children. The clock is ticking and here I am still stuck in a selfish I-need-to-workout-more mode. Something is wrong with me. I wish someone could tell me what to do but I know this is something I need to decide for myself. Why can’t everything be easy?